just found this in another newsgroup... thought i'd share... next time he'll bring a steak
also noticed that i haven't been here for awhile... may have some catching up to do...
A burglar is sitting in a bar, having a beer and watching a couple of guys playing pool. They look pretty prosperous, well dressed, expensive cues, and when the tall one stretches for a shot on the 4-ball, if that really is a Rolex on the guys wrist, it's gotta be worth a cool ten grand, minimum.
Just then the shooter's cell phone rings. He answers, listens, and says "ok, honey, I'll be right there. He packs up his cue and says to his partner "Gotta go - she's finished packing and we're going go to a three-day pool tournament in Cincinnati, be gone all weekend, call ya when I get back."
The burglar figures he's just been given the easiest score he's ever seen, so he follows the guy home to a huge house in an upscale suburb and watches while the guy goes into the house and comes out with his wife and a couple of suitcases and takes off.
The burglar checks the place out, surprised to find there's no alarm system. He lets himself in through the back door and heads for the living room, shining his flashlight around, looking for the good stuff. He sees a large display cabinet full of gold coins, so he opens the unlocked glass and just as reaches a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight out and froze.
When he hears nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, clicked the light back on and grabs a handful of loot. Just as he starts to stuff it in his bag, clear as a bell he hears, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shines his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.
"Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot.
"Yep," the parrot confessed, "I'm just trying to warn you."
The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who the hell are you?"
"Mohammed," replied the bird.
"Mohammed!" the burglar sneered. "What kind of stupid jerk would name a parrot Mohammed?"
"The same kind of jerk that named the Rottweiler Jesus," the bird answered.