Replace your penis with a security alarm.
I found this little poem in a stack of old papers. I don't know the >author.
>
>
> "My days of youth are over
> My spark of life is out
> What used to be my sex appeal
> Is now my water spout
>
> Time was, when of its own accord
> T'would from my trousers spring
> But now it takes a full time job
> To find the bloody thing
>
> It used to be quite embarrassing
> The way it would behave
> For early every morning
> It stood and watched me shave
> But now I sit and sigh and moan
> It sure gives me the blues
> To see it hang its withered head
> And watch me clean my shoes."