A few to make you laugh

Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?" "Just use copier machine paper," the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies.

I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large motor home was towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in "Twister". I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had set the cruise control" and then went in the back to make a sandwich.

IDIOTS AT WORK... Sign in a gas station: Coke -- 49 cents. Two for a dollar.

IDIOTS & COMPUTERS My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have problems with their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in one of the branch banks who had this question: "I've got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?"

IDIOTS ARE EASY TO PLEASE I was sitting in my science class, when the teacher commented that the next day would be the shortest day of the year. My lab partner became visibly excited, cheering and clapping. I explained to her that the amount of daylight changes, not the actual amount! t of time. Needless to say, she was very disappointed.

Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.

What do you if you make stir fry and somebody insults your cooking? Wok it off.

How you you catch a unique rabbit? Younique up on it.

How do you catch a tame rabbit? Tame way.

~~~~~~~~~~

My wife once told me that I petted our cats to roughly. She said, "They aren't dogs. You have to pet them like kitty mommy tongue."

"Got it. Pin them down with an arm over their neck. Bite them on the head until they stop squirming, and then scrub their ears."

The pope goes to visit the Seven Dwarfs. As he is finishing his speech on comparative religions, Dopey raises his hand to ask a question. "Mr. Pope, are there any dwarf nuns in Rome?". "No Dopey," responds the Pontiff, "there are not". "Mr. Pope, are there any dwarf nuns anywhere in Italy?", Dopey questions. "No Dopey," chuckles the Pope, "there are no dwarf nuns in Italy." "Mr. Pope," Dopey asks pleadingly, "are there any dwarf nuns anywhere in the world?" "No Dopey," the Pope says sadly, "there are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world." And softly in the background the six remaining dwarves start chanting, "Dopey screwed a penguin, Dopey screwed a penguin

A quick riddle for all.

If it takes six men six days to dig six holes. How long will it take one man to dig a half a hole??

And another:

Of ALL the words in the Websters Dictionary which one is spelled incorrectly?

What occurs once in every minute, twice in every moment, yet never in a thousand years?

M

Had to google that one, so I'll leave it for someone else

Incorrectly

Yeah I know, but I'm bored

A man is trapped in a room. The room has only two possible exits: two doors. Through the first door there is a room constructed from magnifying glass. The blazing hot sun instantly fries anything or anyone that enters. Through the second door there is a fire-breathing dragon. How does the man escape?

A woman is sitting in her hotel room when there is a knock at the door. She opened the door to see a man whom she had never seen before. He said "oh I'm sorry, I have made a mistake, I thought this was my room." He then went down the corridor and in the elevator. The woman went back into her room and phoned security. What made the woman so suspicious of the man?

Which vehicle is spelled the same forwards and backwards?

Mr. Smith has 4 daughters. Each of his daughters has a brother. How many children does Mr. Smith have?

from https://riddles.tips/

Good Boy Doug!!! :-)

Correct!!

Correct!!

Mr. Smith has 5 children.

I will leave the others for others. :-)

This is much better when told in person. But, since we have this Social Distancing Crap that won't work.

There is a lot of detail here so read carefully. Fair warning, this may hurt a little. My apologizes if it does.

========================================================================== When I was a kid I wanted to buy a 97 Dollar thingie. Needless to say, I did not have 97 Dollars. So, I went to my Mom and said, "Mom I want to buy this

97 Dollar thingie. But, I don't have 97 Dollars, can you help me??" She said, "Well son, here is 50 Dollars you will have to talk to your Dad." Thanks Mom!!

So, I went to my Dad and said, "Dad I want to buy this

97 Dollar thingie. But, I don't have 97 Dollars, Mom gave me 50 Dollars, can you help me??" He said, "Sure son, here is 50 Dollars for you." Thanks Dad!!

So I went to the store and got the 97 Dollar thingie and brought it the front check out. The clerk said, "That will be 97 Dollars, tax included."

I gave the clerk the 100 Dollars and she gave me 3 One Dollar bills as change for the purchase and placed my thingie in a bag.

I went home with my 97 Dollar thingie and went to my Mom and said, "Mom, I didn't need all 50 Dollars so here is 1 Dollar back." She said, "Thanks Son."

I then went to my Dad and said "Dad, I didn't need all 50 Dollars so here is 1 Dollar back." He said, "Thanks Son."

Now both my Mom and my Dad gave me 49 Dollars each.

49 plus 49 equals 98 Dollars. I have 1 Dollar in my pocket.

49 plus 49 plus 1 equals 99 Dollars.

What happened to the other Dollar??

Oh Oh I know this one

Its in apartment A under a bowl of fresh & crispy chips

LOL Sorry Doug but no bowl here..........

I guess the guy in the room could wait till it was night time and go out the door with the magnified sun.

If the man thought it was his room why would he have knocked on the door?

I don't think there is any name brand car that is spelled the same. So it must be a kind of car ????

Think about a racecar................