I hate this job...

DIALOG OF A FORMER WORDPERFECT CUSTOMER SUPPORT EMPLOYEE

Ridge Hall computer assistant, may I help you?

Yes well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.

What sort of trouble?

Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.

Went away?

They disappeared.

Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?

Nothing.

Nothing?

It's blank, it won't accept anything I type.

Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?

How do I tell?

Can you see the c:\\ prompt on the screen?

What's a see-prompt?

Never mind. Can you move the cursor around the screen?

There isn't any cursor I told you, it won't accept anything I type.

Does your monitor have a power indicator?

Whats a monitor?

It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?

I don't know.

Well then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?

Yes, I think so.

Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it is plugged into the wall.

...... Yes it is.

When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it , or just one?

No.

Well there are, I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.

..... Okay, here it is

Follow it for me, and tell me if it is plugged securely into the back of your computer.

I, can't reach.

Uh huh. Well can you see if it is?

No.

Even if you maybe put you knee on something and lean way over.

Oh, it not because i don't have the right angle- its because it's dark.

Dark?

Yes - the office light is off, and the only light i have is coming in from the window.

Well, turn on the office light then.

I can't.

No? Why not?

Because there is a power outage.

A power.... A power outage? Aha! Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in.

Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.

Good! Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.

Really? Is it that bad?

Yes, I'm afraid it is.

Well, all right then, I suppose. What do i tell them

Tell them you too stupid to own a computer.

It's actually not as dumb a question as you make it sound. It is quite common in the industry that telcos configure their on-site equipment without customer equipment turned on or even hooked up. This is the way it should be with Internet access, too, if you ask me. On top of that, the person's modem could have been connected to a router hence no need to have his/her PC running to bring the connection up. Of course you need some PC to use a Web browser to pull up the config screen, but your client could have (rightfully so) assumed that you have access from the network side.

I think you just need to work on your communications skills, and that would help a lot to get more satisfaction from your job.

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I had to have a pc to connect my cable modem, I didn't mind using a pc to setup dsl service.

Config screen? What have you got against telnet? (G)

"It is next to the "L" and you have to use the shift key to get it." (That's a phrase I use nearly every day).

And 50% (of the callers that know what a _slash_ is), have forward slash and backslash wrong.

I've been considering ASCII codes with alt-numpad, but there are too few that know what a number pad is.