More About Hell Freezing and my Dog

We have been chatting about weather conditions here in Hell recently, and I observed in a note:

... when I call Chad or grandma on the phone to come and pick me up, > they drive about _thisclose_ to the fence on that side so I can open > the gate (and hopefully close it before the dog gets away) while > leaning on the fence, then with a step or two I lean on the cab and > open the door. But the dog is smart -- a lot smarter than me, I > think -- and he is there lurking to run off when the gate is > open. But the dog is leary of my metal cane, and when I shake it at > him and make a growling noise he usually backs up and lets me get > out.

The thing I feared the most, that the dog would run off when the gate was open happened in the middle of last week, the 'ice storm week'. The mailman, trying to be helpful knows how bad my front porch is lately (with streams or rivets of ice on all the stairs and the stoop itself) and how my health is lately (since my bout with pneumonia several months ago, I have gotten progressively weaker when trying to walk around). He rapped on my kitchen window a few days ago and said "I am going to put your mail over here" (meaning a spot in the chain-link fence where I could walk out my back door and get it. I told him 'thanks' and walked out the back door to get the mail. Naturally, Willis the dog was right on my heels when I opened the back door and he slipped right out between my feet when the door was open. Off he runs, but I think nothing of it; a fence is entirely around much of the yard; let him run and have some fun. Then in chatting with the mailman I happen to look and see the front gate is _open_; the mailman had not closed it when he walked inside. No Willis the dog anywhere in sight. He had seen the open gate and made a break for his freedom.

Now in the past he has run off like that; and like a damn fool, I try chasing him up and down the street, but never can catch him; if I had followed him all day for several blocks I would not get him; if dogs do not wish to be caught, they won't be. He fears if he does get caught he will feel my wrath with a newspaper rolled up or the fly swatter. I went back inside and took a paper plate and put a fistfull of raw hamburger meat on it, went outside and sat in a chair on my back yard patio, with the paper plate and meat sitting next to me.

Presently I hear quite a fuss from down the alley; five or six dogs all barking at once. Willis is a very high strung minature pincher with a very high-pitched bark. He is about a year old. He had gone down to visit the two female dogs a few doors away. Now, Willis is 'fixed' and so are the two female dogs, but that does not keep them from visiting and associating, as per the loud unsynched barking from down the alley. Presently he comes running down the alley toward my place (by this point I had opened the back gate as well, so he would be able to get in when he got the scent of the hamburger meat.) In he comes running, I let him get a good look at the meat, and get a smell of it. While he is jumping up and down all excited, I took the dish and said "come on in, dog, it is time for your dinner". He was thrilled and when I opened my back door holding the paper plate of meat just out of his reach he followed me right back inside.

Slam! I _quickly_ shut the door with him inside, and the plate of meat, went out and re-closed the open gate. I think Willis realized he had been tricked because he started crying and whining like a spoiled baby and/or a very pampered but spoiled dog. Gate is then closed; _then_ I opened the back door and went inside. Door comes open, dog jumps out eager for more meat, but there wasn't any more for him. I close the door and dog decides to go jump on his favorite chair next to the furnace vent and go to sleep. The way his little brain works, I am sure he thought with all this ice and snow I was going to chase him up and down the alley with my fly swatter or newspaper rolled up, and he was going to teach me a lesson for chasing him like that. We both got what we wanted. He got his fist full of raw hamburger meat and I got my dog back.

PAT

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