Sunday, June 8th 2008 would have my son?s 20th birthday and it is, almost to the day, a year and a half after his death.
Has it gotten any better? I would have to say that, for the most part, my days aren?t as difficult as they were a year ago. There are still some bad days but not as much. There are some songs on the radio I have to turn off (Tears in Heaven, for one) and sometimes there is guilt and a feeling of emptiness when I realize I am doing something that he would have liked as well.
It has been tough lately as we close in on his birthday. Thinking of all the things that could have been but will never be, the unrealized potential, the wedding we won?t witness, the grandchildren we will never hold.
His friends still post in his online guestbook:His brother wrote and recorded a song for Chris? funeral ? I added some pictures and a few video clips: This is a song that he wrote and recorded ? again, I added a few pictures and a lot of video: (btw ? if any of you are fans of the hip-hop genre I would appreciate knowing if it?s any good? I think it?s good ? but then I?m an old rock-n-roller who may be just a bit biased) I love this I sit staring at a blank dark wall The hole on the upper corner looks as if a fist had punched thru How that must have hurt Like losing part of your skin It seems this wall has encountered many battles Its lost part of itself, but it has kept the pieces that hold it together The paint is peeling, the color fading away Yet it refuses to fall People hardly notice this ruined wall, but it doesn?t care It stands because it wants to The chipping and breaking over the years have barely even phased it It is still standing To you, it is a wall that should fall To me, it?s a wall that refuses to fall Refuses to die Everything it has lost, are but pieces it did not need No matter how big a piece went missing, the wall made it through Stood up to another day What we could all learn from this wall Is something we can only teach ourselves
Rest in Peace my son.
Christopher Ricardo Lackie June 8, 1988 ? December 9, 2006