A horse walks into a bar...

((groooon, I'll pretend I didn't read that.....)) RTS

OHHHH! That's the best pun joke I've heard in a looooong looooog time. Thanks

So this drunk guy goes into a bar and shout's "The drinks are on me ! " Every one orders one up an the bartender hands the drunk guy a bill for $280.00. The drunk guy says " I doone hav eny monies" The bar tender grabs the drunk by the shirt collar, drags him across the bar and punches he in the face - - - grabs him by the hair, drags him around the bar across the floor, picks him up and throws him out the door into the street.

About an hour goes by and the drunk appears at the bar again, and shout's "The drinks are on me !" But this time he looks the bartender in the eye and and says "But none fer you - - cuz euu gets nasty wen euu drink"

I don't get it. :(

I told this joke to my wife who is both smart and well educated. When I told the first part she gave me a polite smile and token groan. She got it instantly of course. When I told the second part the response wasn't much better. In punance for subjecting her to such terrible word play I paused for a moment and said, "37." She immediately burst out laughing which just goes to show some jokes are funnier than others.

Ok Ok, When I originally read this joke I had my mind on a very busy week. Far too many balls in the air. Basically I didn't get it!!!

Now today my BRAIN is a bit more relaxed and I read it again!!!

Very Funny!!! I got it!! :-) Thanks Bob, you scored again!!

However, your telling of #37 didn't do it for me. Some people can tell a joke but can't type it.

Have a good weekend.

Les

WOW! Thanks Bob, I haven't heard #37 in years !

For some reason though, #63 is the one that always got me laughing the most.

I didn't know you were partial to Punance. Give me a bit and I'll conjure up some of the old ones I've got stored in my memory somewhere. I don't get much chance to recite them because - - - as you know - - - there aren't too many people who are intelligent enough to understand them.

Here you go - - - -

Three friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise the funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, the rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. He asked his mother to go and ask the friars to get out of business. They ignored her too.

So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close shop. Terrified, they did so - thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.

And another.

A man went to his dentist because he feels something wrong in his mouth. The dentist examines him and says, "that new plates I put in for you six months ago are eroding. What have you been eating?" The man replies, "all I can think of is that about four months ago my wife made some asparagus and put some stuff on it that was delicious...Hollandaise sauce. I loved it so much I now put it on everything --- meat, toast, fish, vegetables, everything." "Well," says the dentist, "that's probably the problem. Hollandaise sauce is made with lots of lemon juice, which is highly corrosive. It's eaten away both of your plates. I'll make you some new plates, and this time I'll use chrome." "Why chrome?" asks the patient. The dentist replies, "It's simple. Everyone knows that there's no plates like chrome for the Hollandaise!"

Jim,

You forgot the Drum Rolls!!!! LOL

There were two great friends Ollie Oyster and Sam Clam, They both died on the same day in a car accident. Ollie Oyster, who had led a good life was taken into heaven. Upon arrival Ollie was given his harp and wings and told that these were the only ones he would ever get so it was important to take special care of them. Sam Clam, on the other hand, was not so lucky, his wild past caught up with him and he was condemned to hell One day Ollie Oyster with his harp under his arm approached Saint Peter at the gates of heaven. He asked if he could get a special pass to visit his old friend in hell. Saint Peter told Ollie Oyster he could visit hell but had to be back by midnight. . When Ollie Oyster got to hell, he asked around to find where his friend Sam Calm might be. Finally someone told him that Sam Clam owned a wild disco club. Ollie Oyster made his way to Sam Clams club and found his old friend and they began to party like crazy. All of a sudden Ollie Oyster looked at the clock. It was 11:50 pm. He barely had time to get back to heaven. He ran all the way to the gates where Saint Peter was waiting. Ollie Oyster was quite messed up. His wings were all crooked and dirty and Saint Peter said ?Ollie, where is your harp? Ollie stopped, looked at Saint Peter and promptly said, ?I have to go back? ?I left my harp in Sam Clams disco?

Applause Applause More More More!!!!!!