One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift. The next year, I didn't buy her anything. When she asked me "why?", I replied "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!" And then the fight started.
My wife and I were watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire". I turned to her and asked, "Do you want to have sex?" "No," she replied. "Is that your final answer?" I asked. She didn't even look at me, simply saying, "Yes." So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend." And then the fight started.
We were in London (England) and I took my wife to a fancy restaurant. For some reason, the waiter took my order first. "I'll have the steak, rare, please." He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?" "Nah", I responded. "She can order for herself. And then the fight started.
My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping through the channels one night. "What's on TV?", she asked. "Dust." I replied. And then the fight started.
My wife started hinting that she wanted something really special for our upcoming anniversary. She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds." I bought her a bathroom scale. And then the fight started.
When our lawn mower broke my wife started hinting to me that I should get it fixed, but somehow I always found something better to take care of first: The shed, the boat, making beer... Always something "more important". Finally, she thought of a clever way to make her point. I arrived home one afternoon to find her seated in the tall grass busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched her progress for a few minutes and then went into the house. I was only gone about a minute. When I came back out, I handed her a toothbrush and told her: "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway." The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.