From an old "Dear Abby" article I found while cleaning out my desk:
Most people don't realize how much editing goes into producing a church bulletin or newsletter. Some announcements have to be completely rewritten because if they appeared the way they were submitted, it would lead to total confusion. Here are some examples:
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Martin to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
Next Sunday, a special colection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet may come forward and do so.
The United Methodist Women have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the church basement Friday from 9 a.m. to 4 p.m.
and my personal favourite:
Don't let worry kill you - let the church help.