A few to make you laugh - Page 3

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Re: A few to make you laugh
On Sunday, April 19, 2020 at 4:50:13 PM UTC-4, Bob La Londe wrote:
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One day this guy goes into a bar. The bartender is standing there and he?
??s got a big hump on his back.The guy says, how much is a dry martini?
 The bartender say?s $22.00. What? That?s pretty high.Well,
 how much is a shot of Tequila? The bartender say?s $15.00. Holy cr
ap, that?s a lot of money.Well then, how much is a glass of beer? T
he bartender says $8.00. The guy says, Well, Ok, Give me
a beer. So they?re talking for awhile and the bartender says, ?
??Say, you?re a pretty nice guy.? Usually when people c
ome in here they make fun of my hump. The guy say?s ?Hump?
? I didn?t know it was a hump.  
Every thing else is so high in here ? I thought is was your ass.?
??  

(again, Thank you Buddy Hacket)

Re: A few to make you laugh
On Sunday, April 19, 2020 at 4:50:13 PM UTC-4, Bob La Londe wrote:
 I heard this one as the hunch back with no arms was Quasimodo's brother an
d when he fell to his death someone found him and said "I don't know him bu
t his face rings a bell" and someone else said "Don't you recognize him? He
's a dead ringer of his brother."

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Re: A few to make you laugh
What do you if you make stir fry and somebody insults your cooking?  Wok  
it off.

How you you catch a unique rabbit?  Younique up on it.

How do you catch a tame rabbit?  Tame way.

~~~~~~~~~~

My wife once told me that I petted our cats to roughly.  She said, "They  
aren't dogs.  You have to pet them like kitty mommy tongue."

"Got it.  Pin them down with an arm over their neck.  Bite them on the  
head until they stop squirming, and then scrub their ears."









Re: A few to make you laugh
On Tuesday, April 21, 2020 at 1:17:17 PM UTC-4, Bob La Londe wrote:
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The pope goes to visit the Seven Dwarfs. As he is finishing his speech on comparative religions,
Dopey raises his hand to ask a question.
"Mr. Pope, are there any dwarf nuns in Rome?".
"No Dopey," responds the Pontiff, "there are not".
"Mr. Pope, are there any dwarf nuns anywhere in Italy?", Dopey questions.
"No Dopey," chuckles the Pope, "there are no dwarf nuns in Italy."
"Mr. Pope," Dopey asks pleadingly, "are there any dwarf nuns anywhere in the world?"
"No Dopey," the Pope says sadly, "there are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world."
And softly in the background the six remaining dwarves start chanting, "Dopey screwed a
penguin, Dopey screwed a penguin

Re: A few to make you laugh
A quick riddle for all.

If it takes six men six days to dig six holes.
How long will it take one man to dig a half a hole??


Re: A few to make you laugh

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Had to google that one, so I'll leave it for someone else  



Re: A few to make you laugh
On 4/21/2020 9:15 PM, doug wrote:
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Good Boy Doug!!!  :-)

Re: A few to make you laugh
This is much better when told in person.
But, since we have this Social Distancing Crap that won't work.

There is a lot of detail here so read carefully.
Fair warning, this may hurt a little.  My apologizes if it does.

==========================================================================
When I was a kid I wanted to buy a 97 Dollar thingie.
Needless to say, I did not have 97 Dollars.
So, I went to my Mom and said, "Mom I want to buy this
97 Dollar thingie.  But, I don't have 97 Dollars, can you help me??"
She said, "Well son, here is 50 Dollars you will have to talk to
your Dad."  Thanks Mom!!

So, I went to my Dad and said, "Dad I want to buy this
97 Dollar thingie.  But, I don't have 97 Dollars, Mom gave me
50 Dollars, can you help me??"  He said, "Sure son, here is 50 Dollars  
for you."  Thanks Dad!!

So I went to the store and got the 97 Dollar thingie and brought it
the front check out.
The clerk said, "That will be 97 Dollars, tax included."

I gave the clerk the 100 Dollars and she gave me 3 One Dollar bills as
change for the purchase and placed my thingie in a bag.

I went home with my 97 Dollar thingie and went to my Mom and said,
"Mom, I didn't need all 50 Dollars so here is 1 Dollar back."
She said, "Thanks Son."

I then went to my Dad and said "Dad, I didn't need all 50 Dollars so  
here is 1 Dollar back."
He said, "Thanks Son."

Now both my Mom and my Dad gave me 49 Dollars each.

49 plus 49 equals 98 Dollars.  I have 1 Dollar in my pocket.

49 plus 49 plus 1 equals 99 Dollars.

What happened to the other Dollar??

Re: A few to make you laugh

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Oh Oh I know this one

Its in apartment A under a bowl of fresh & crispy chips




Re: A few to make you laugh
On 4/21/2020 11:03 PM, doug wrote:
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LOL  Sorry Doug but no bowl here..........


Re: A few to make you laugh
And another:

Of ALL the words in the Websters Dictionary which one is spelled  
incorrectly?



Re: A few to make you laugh

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Incorrectly

Yeah I know, but I'm bored  



Re: A few to make you laugh
On 4/21/2020 9:17 PM, doug wrote:
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Correct!!

Re: A few to make you laugh

What occurs once in every minute, twice in every moment,
yet never in a thousand years?


Re: A few to make you laugh

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M  



Re: A few to make you laugh
A man is trapped in a room. The room has only two possible exits: two doors.  
Through the first door there is a room constructed from magnifying glass.  
The blazing hot sun instantly fries anything or anyone that enters. Through  
the second door there is a fire-breathing dragon. How does the man escape?

A woman is sitting in her hotel room when there is a knock at the door. She  
opened the door to see a man whom she had never seen before. He said "oh I'm  
sorry, I have made a mistake, I thought this was my room." He then went down  
the corridor and in the elevator. The woman went back into her room and  
phoned security. What made the woman so suspicious of the man?

Which vehicle is spelled the same forwards and backwards?

Mr. Smith has 4 daughters. Each of his daughters has a brother. How many  
children does Mr. Smith have?

from https://riddles.tips/



Re: A few to make you laugh
On 4/21/2020 9:32 PM, doug wrote:
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Mr. Smith has 5 children.


I will leave the others for others.  :-)

Re: A few to make you laugh
On Tuesday, April 21, 2020 at 9:32:17 PM UTC-4, doug wrote:
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I guess the guy in the room could wait till it was night time and go out the door with the magnified sun.

If the man thought it was his room why would he have knocked on the door?

I don't think there is any name brand car that is spelled the same. So it must be a kind of car ????

Re: A few to make you laugh
On 4/22/2020 10:36 PM, Jim Davis wrote:
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Think about a racecar................


Re: A few to make you laugh
On 4/21/2020 9:13 PM, doug wrote:
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Correct!!

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